Chords are D D/C D/B D/A Em A
EBGDAE EBGDAE EBGDAE EBGDAE EBGDAE EBGDAE
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Intro: D D/C D/B D/A 3x
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream
About me, about you.
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests.
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts.
Maybe below the cockles. Maybe in the sub-cockle area.
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys, maybe even in the colon. We don't know.
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white, suburbanite slob.
I like football and porno and books about war.
I got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.
My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table and a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough to a man like me interested (Oh No) no way (Uh uh)
No, I gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense (Whoa Yeah) yeah yeah ...yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane While people behind me are going insane
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summertime sayin' how about this heat
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes I park in handicap spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's a real fucking asshole)
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Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song.
Ranting and raving and carrying on.
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong.
Back to D D/C D/B D/A for the rest of the song
Nah I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the worlds biggest asshole)
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible
Hot pink with whale skin hubcaps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights yeah!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour getting' one mile per gallon
Sucking down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old fashion non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
And when I'm done suckin' down those grease ball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it...You know why?
Because you got the bomb, that's why, 2 words, nuclear fucking weapons ok?
Russia, Germany Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tianniman Square
And it won't make a lick of difference because we got the bombs ok?
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the Duke
And he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well multiply that by a 15 million times, that's how pissed off the Duke is gonna be.
I'm gonna get the Duke and John Defemeties and Lee Marvin and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas (Hey, you know you really are an asshole)
Why don't you just shut up and sing this song pal
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, you're an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the worlds biggest asshole)
A - S - S - H - O - L - E
Everybody A - S - S - H - O - L - E
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it.